DISCIPLINE YOUR ANGER

Anger is a valid emotion. It’s only bad when it takes control and makes you do things you don’t want to do.”

– Ellen Hopkins

In the spectrum of emotions like happiness, sadness, guilt, frustration, there is one emotion that we all dread. Its Anger. But unlike other emotions it is also an absolute normal emotion. It is a primal tendency, but necessary for survival. Some people experience it more intensely and more often as compared to other people. It could vary from slightly irritating to uncontrollable fury. There is nothing wrong to experience these feelings. Every day we come across plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended making ourselves vulnerable to a behavior that is self-destructive and could be hurting others as well. Probably for some, anger also manifests itself into aroused feelings of guilt as they have been conditioned that feeling/expressing anger is not good.

But the good thing about Anger is, if, expressed in an appropriate way it can rather help you to having your needs met, without hindering the needs of others. It can also lead to stronger relationships and more satisfying situations.

Just like any other emotion, Anger also brings about certain changes in our mind, body and thoughts. Like,

The body may show its discomfort in ways like, Stomach gets tight/upset, faster heart beat, Clenching fists, Feeling flushed, Pressure on temples, Sweaty palms, Clenched jaw……..

The mind may contemplate itself by engaging itself in, blaming others, taking everything personally, Assuming, Overeating, drinking, Driving recklessly, Taking drugs, Looking for fights, Feeling outraged…..

There could be a merry-go-round cycle of thoughts for the person on whom you are angry like for eg.,You did that on purpose, You wanted to hurt me, You deserve this, You never even asked me, You’re being unreasonable, You think you’re so good, I’ll show you, You started it…

And there is you get trapped into the vicious cycle of Blame- Game

The emotional expression of anger may includeEmbarrassment, Excitement, Disappointment, Jealousy, Fear, Helplessness, Sadness, Feeling Left-out, Inferiority complex, Self – righteousness, Intolerance…

The physical expression of anger could be like Throwing something, Kick someone or something, Get in someone’s face, Shoving, grabbing, hitting, Break something, Call someone names, Give someone a dirty look, Silent treatment, Get others to “gang up”, Spread rumors…

So, on face of it ANGER appears as,

A- arrogance

N- negative thoughts

G – growing intolerance

E- extreme behaviour

R- reaction

Some one has rightly quoted “Anger is one word short of Danger”

Before making it a dangerous state of mind, lets manage it and understand that I don’t have to hold on to my anger,

• I talk about hurt and angry feelings.
• I look for someone to discuss my anger.
• I discuss my words and actions that hurt others
• I find ways to let it go
• I remember that, hurting people with my words and actions will further deteriorate the situation.
• I take ownership of the hurtful things I do and say.
• “Bullying” hurts everyone.

Just like watching television and surfing the channels pause for a minute before moving to next, similarly Watch Your Thoughts and Think,

• I stop blaming others and myself,
• Blaming only keeps people upset,
• Blaming is a way of disrespect to others,
• I express my feelings and then try to work out things,
• I choose to feel good about myself through expressing my feelings,
• I express angry feelings in ways that are fair to others and me,
• I use fair words…e.g. “I feel when you”

IF I ACCEPT, all the above precondition, HURRAY!! You have done a great job and have become

• In charge of your own feelings.
• You own your feelings.
• It is okay to feel angry.
• Anger is part of being human.
• You have learnt how to express anger in helpful ways.

It’s now easy, this simple 5 STEPS will help to TAME YOUR ANGER ,

1. Know what pushes your buttons.
2. Know your body’s anger signs.
3. Stop and think!
4. Cage your rage…it’s your choice.
5. Decide what to do.

Expressing your negative emotion in right way is a choice, If all the above steps are FOLLOWED, your ANGER will become,

A – AMICABLE

N – NORMAL

G – GENTLE

E – EMPATHY

R – RECEPTIVE

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” – Aristotle