DON’T WORRY STAY HAPPY

We all are worried for small things in life but what if it becomes disproportionate. Generally we try to be too predictable for the situation/ events. The thought of uncertainty itself creates Worry. Coming across a situation which we have difficulty coping, makes us feel WORRIED.  Worry is a mix of fear and anxiety. To an extent worry is good when it prompts us to have an action plan for the problem. But if you are most of times feeling preoccupied with stress and tension and your thought process is stuck in the cycle of WHAT- IF’s , you are in grip of “Worry syndrome”. This syndrome not only affects our day to day life but literally paralyses the thought process and drains out our emotional energy. An attitude of Pessimism starts incubating. Studies have shown that constant worriers are more prone to depression, anxiety and have higher risk of developing cardiovascular diseases and may also experience psychosomatic symptoms like headaches, stomach problems, back pain, low energy etc. to name a few.

Constant worry blocks our energy to work in the right direction, it disables us to take the corrective steps to solve the problem. It exaggerates and turns a mole into mountain hill. A worried mind constantly finds something to feed that is not positive. So, it is important to understand how to give piece of mind to our worried thinking:

  1. Create a Worry Period

“Worry is a misuse of the imagination.” Dan Zadra

Constant worry not only impacts physical health but also lower our efficiency level and many of our day to day activities. So, instead of worrying for whole day create a time period to worry. Choose a set time and place for it, for e.g. like from 7:00 to 7:20 pm in my room on the couch I will have my worry time. During this period, you can worry for anything. Any anxious thought during the daytime, coming to your mind can be penned down and considered in the Worry Period. 

  • Question your Situation

“Sometimes a situation you think of as “bad” is actually putting you on a path to the best thing that could possibly happen to you”

When you feel that you are stuck or stumbling in a situation change the angle of it. Think what is one thing that is good in that situation. Ask yourself is there a more positive and realistic way of looking at the situation? Don’t generalise the situation as negative, just reassess the situation you will realise that all things aren’t that bad they appear.

  • Take away the power –

“Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can create.” Roy T. Bennett

Any thought in our mind become strong and dominating only when we give power to it. In a day we come across around 50,000 thousand thoughts but we get stuck only on some thoughts. Happy thoughts make us feel good and happy and sad and anxious thoughts breed the same. The amount of attention that we give decides the energy of that thought (positive/ negative). Our mind is like a garden, the seed that we sow, that plant will grow, our thoughts are the seeds of mind. The thought that you will sow will grow and get the power. So, Grow the seed of positivity.

  • Train yourself to relax

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” Dalai Lama

When we are anxious or worried, the heartbeat and breathing is fast, muscles are tense, blood pressure shoots and many other symptoms appear. The opposite happens when we are relaxed. It is important to understand that after one point, worry serve no good to us, it only worsens the situation. Practise relaxation techniques as part of daily routine. Like deep breathing, meditation etc. Fix few minutes of a day for yourself when you will sit and do nothing and you will notice that gradually your wandering mind will also come at peace and this “me- time” will give tranquillity.

It is important to talk out the worries else you will be emotionally overwhelmed. But it is important to talk to someone who can guide being non-judgemental and help you gain clarity of your thoughts and situation.

NIDHI

3 PRINCIPLES OF SUCCESS

“Ability teaches us how we do; Motivation determines why we do and Attitude decides how well we do“

Who doesn’t want to be successful? I am sure we all are always wishing, looking and moving in the path that lead to success. Success is the result of our hard work, environment, education and other factors. but the most important prerequisite for being successful is that developing the Attitude for Success . According to a study in Harvard, people who are successful are a result of 15% intelligence and 85% attitude.

The three emotional components, our thoughts, belief and behaviour together combine to form an Attitude. The person with a negative attitude will keep on knocking the doors and will have his eyes shut for the good things around him. He will most of the time, appear frustrated, bitter, stressed, ill health, purposeless and many more. But a person with positive mindset will enjoy high self-esteem, and cheerful and energetic. They find their life more meaningful and rewarding. They have a head start over others. We all are walking on acres of diamonds if we have an eye to focus on the opportunities. It is our attitude that determines makes our story a success.

Success is a like a journey that is full of adventures and stories. Those who travel it without losing the vision are the ones that reach the epitome of their life. There are times when things don’t go in the desired way, frustration, cribbing, sadness and disorientation from goal is evident. During those times many people succumb to the negative emotional states, but the ones who sail through the storm of these tides are the real achievers. The winners are also losers, but their loss is always perceived as a learning for their next steps. This is the optimism that segregate them from the crowd. Ideally, it is not possible to be always positive. It is a constant effort to maintain it. To build and maintain a positive attitude it is important to preach and be aware of these three principles:

  1. Find the Positive – success never comes without failure. Things in life always come in combinations that are opposite. Like loss- win, profit loss, success- failure and many more. When people struggle to move in the path leading to their goal, they also come in brush with their own set of disappointments. But the people with positive approach tries to find one right thing in all that is mess. It is just like looking for a blessing in disguised situation. Lows and heartbreaks are also part of their journey but they don’t put themselves down. Instead they anchor themselves more firmly with greater wisdom.

Steve Jobs the cofounder of Apple was forced out of his own company in 1985 due to power struggle with the company’s board and its then-CEO. It was real tough time as he was pushed out of his own setup. Something that you have created was snatched from your hands. Disappointment and sadness was inevitable but he moved on. And the same year, Steve Jobs found NeXT along with few of his ex-teammates. A computer platform development company that specialized in computers for higher-education and business markets. He didn’t let his vision narrow down to the game of complaints and destiny. Rather he broadened his vision to better and more progressive things.

  • Expression of Gratitude – Gratitude is a sign of wisdom and maturity. It fuels potential and transforms the perspective. Eric Houffer a very famous writer has rightly said,” the hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings”. A gratitude is the reflection of peace of your inner self. Gratitude should be a lifestyle. Start taking memory pictures of everything you are grateful for every single day. Being grateful puts you in state of abundance, it transforms your life by strengthening and enhancing your faith. There is an inner belief that develops when you are truly grateful for things. Bill Gates the richest person on this planet has donated all his wealth to the good cause. He believes in giving back to society to all who need more. Its his way of gratitude to God for blessing him with that abilities that he is today. He feels immense gratitude for all the blessings of his life and continue to pay back with good work. All great people never forget what others have done for them and never remember what they have done for others. Attitude of Gratitude makes you complacent.  It is rightly said by Melody Beattie: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life; it turns what we have into enough”
  • Stop Procrastinating– “Every day spent procrastinating is another day spent worrying about that thing. Do it now and move on with your life.” Procrastination is an attitude of escapism. The fear of facing consequences results in procrastination. Procrastination is also a characteristic of negative attitude. They are the people who moan and groan. Procrastinators fail even before they start. Success is a result of consistent efforts. Once the time gone is gone, there is no rewind button, so focus on present and do things in hand. A successful person surely wanted to delay but never got around to it. Make the best of now and utilise the present to the fullest. Time is precious, Oliver Wendall Holmes said, “Most people go to their graves, with music still in them”. The procrastinators are aptly skilled but their attitude deter them to achieve the best. Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam once said, “Dreams are not those which comes while we are sleeping, but dreams are those when you don’t sleep before fulfilling them”.

There is no shortcut to success. Discipline and consistency in efforts forms the ladder to success.

 “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your ALTITUDE”

 Zig Ziglar

DISCIPLINE YOUR ANGER

Anger is a valid emotion. It’s only bad when it takes control and makes you do things you don’t want to do.”

– Ellen Hopkins

In the spectrum of emotions like happiness, sadness, guilt, frustration, there is one emotion that we all dread. Its Anger. But unlike other emotions it is also an absolute normal emotion. It is a primal tendency, but necessary for survival. Some people experience it more intensely and more often as compared to other people. It could vary from slightly irritating to uncontrollable fury. There is nothing wrong to experience these feelings. Every day we come across plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed or offended making ourselves vulnerable to a behavior that is self-destructive and could be hurting others as well. Probably for some, anger also manifests itself into aroused feelings of guilt as they have been conditioned that feeling/expressing anger is not good.

But the good thing about Anger is, if, expressed in an appropriate way it can rather help you to having your needs met, without hindering the needs of others. It can also lead to stronger relationships and more satisfying situations.

Just like any other emotion, Anger also brings about certain changes in our mind, body and thoughts. Like,

The body may show its discomfort in ways like, Stomach gets tight/upset, faster heart beat, Clenching fists, Feeling flushed, Pressure on temples, Sweaty palms, Clenched jaw……..

The mind may contemplate itself by engaging itself in, blaming others, taking everything personally, Assuming, Overeating, drinking, Driving recklessly, Taking drugs, Looking for fights, Feeling outraged…..

There could be a merry-go-round cycle of thoughts for the person on whom you are angry like for eg.,You did that on purpose, You wanted to hurt me, You deserve this, You never even asked me, You’re being unreasonable, You think you’re so good, I’ll show you, You started it…

And there is you get trapped into the vicious cycle of Blame- Game

The emotional expression of anger may includeEmbarrassment, Excitement, Disappointment, Jealousy, Fear, Helplessness, Sadness, Feeling Left-out, Inferiority complex, Self – righteousness, Intolerance…

The physical expression of anger could be like Throwing something, Kick someone or something, Get in someone’s face, Shoving, grabbing, hitting, Break something, Call someone names, Give someone a dirty look, Silent treatment, Get others to “gang up”, Spread rumors…

So, on face of it ANGER appears as,

A- arrogance

N- negative thoughts

G – growing intolerance

E- extreme behaviour

R- reaction

Some one has rightly quoted “Anger is one word short of Danger”

Before making it a dangerous state of mind, lets manage it and understand that I don’t have to hold on to my anger,

  • I talk about hurt and angry feelings.
  • I look for someone to discuss my anger.
  • I discuss my words and actions that hurt others
  • I find ways to let it go
  • I remember that, hurting people with my words and actions will further deteriorate the situation.
  • I take ownership of the hurtful things I do and say.
  • “Bullying” hurts everyone.

Just like watching television and surfing the channels pause for a minute before moving to next, similarly Watch Your Thoughts and Think,

  • I stop blaming others and myself,
  • Blaming only keeps people upset,
  • Blaming is a way of disrespect to others,
  • I express my feelings and then try to work out things,
  • I choose to feel good about myself through expressing my feelings,
  • I express angry feelings in ways that are fair to others and me,
  • I use fair words…e.g. “I feel when you”

IF I ACCEPT, all the above precondition, HURRAY!! You have done a great job and have become

  • In charge of your own feelings.
  • You own your feelings.
  • It is okay to feel angry.
  • Anger is part of being human.
  • You have learnt how to express anger in helpful ways.

It’s now easy, this simple 5 STEPS will help to TAME YOUR ANGER ,

  1. Know what pushes your buttons.
  2. Know your body’s anger signs.
  3. Stop and think!
  4. Cage your rage…it’s your choice.
  5. Decide what to do.

Expressing your negative emotion in right way is a choice, If all the above steps are FOLLOWED, your ANGER will become,

A – AMICABLE

N – NORMAL

G – GENTLE

E – EMPATHY

R – RECEPTIVE

Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.” – Aristotle

3P’s EQUATION FOR POSITIVITY AND SUCCESS

 “God gives every bird its food, but he doesn’t throw it into his nest”.

J.G Holland

Each one of us have wings, we can believe ourselves to be positive about flying but until and unless we flap the wings and make effort, we can never soar heights we dream of.

Be Positive is often heard/told when someone is disappointed or sad, our near dear ones always give this short but a very powerful phrase as piece of advice to give solace in tough times. This phrase has become so common in present that the young generation’s mindset that they use it frequently without really knowing, what it means and how to stay positive.

By repeating this short and sweet combination of words “Be Positive” we just become a courier to wisdom, and lecture others with knowledge that we rarely use or apply in our own lives.

It is important to understand that being Positive is very motivating but unfortunately positive thinking alone might not guarantee success, nevertheless negative thinking brings one close to failure. Like, Suzzane was a good dancer, she participated in a dance competition cleared all preliminary rounds. She was now in final round. She was very positive for winning the competition. She often used the tag line “Be Positive”.  She had the best choreographer, best dance song and the theme but she lost the competition. Though she was very positive, but her positivity was not backed up by actions. She took things for granted that cost her, the defeat in competition.

Striving for success without hard work is like trying to harvest where you haven’t planted any seed. You must take action to get what you want. Just thinking for things won’t help. The positive mindset, of a person lets him dream big for himself. Dreams are like movies that you watch for free. But to make it reality , a combination of positivity and efforts in right direction will reward you with the goal. Else, the chances of results being fruitful are bleak. The positive thinking must be backed up by actions.

Let me explain with other e.g., a student was very hopeful that he will score first position in class. He was a scholar in group. He was very confident for the results, but, unfortunately, he only managed to pass exams. The reason being that Stay Positive Attitude lacked Action. He did not worked hard enough to achieve his goals. He dreamt high, had the ability and carried a very optimist attitude but the real essence, the action was missing. He did not give enough time to his studies and the result was just passing percentage.

So, let’s understand how it works. Positive thinking is just one part of game. Action is other part that you wish to win. There is a huge difference between thinking positive and doing that which needs to be done positively. If a person is doing action but not having positive approach, he will always struggle. He is seldom happy.

The 3 P’s Formula that will assure success in all endeavours,

  • Patience + Perseverance + Positive Thinking = SUCCESS ,
  • Patience + Perseverance = Positive Thinking
  • Without 2 P’s Patience(P) and Perseverance(P) the 3rd P Positive thinking(P) is not effective.

For attaining the best results, just follow this simple equation,

  • Positive Thinking + Action= A Happy successful Person.

“A positive attitude is something everyone can work on, and everyone can learn how to employ it. “              

Joan Lunden

Boost Your Self

Each one of us are born with all the capacities needed to live fruitfully. We have different mix of skills which are at different levels of development. But many a times, a thought “I am not good enough” comes to our mind. When we are feeling very low and nothing seems to go in right track for us, we tend to get into the mode of self – blame and at times non acceptance of self. We get preoccupied with the thoughts of Resentment, Criticism, and Guilt.

It usually happens, when our thinking gets jeopardized by our negative thought process. Our thoughts play a very important role in shaping our confidence. What we think about ourselves become the truth for us. It is like we create our own situations and give power to it. No person, place and thing can overpower us, only our thoughts can, for we are the only thinkers in our mind. These damaging patterns of thoughts gradually not only creates physical illness in our body like obesity, hypertension, diabetes etc. also develops emotional illness like anxiety, frustration, threatened feeling, rejected etc.

Self- esteem influences our life in innumerable ways. It fluctuates whenever we have success or failures in our personal and professional life. It affects relationships (personal/professional) and mental health. It grows when we find that we are better than others/ person and goes down when we think that another person is better than us and interestingly, it level varies differently in different areas of life. For e.g. we can have high self-esteem in some areas (“I am a good student”) while simultaneously having negative self-esteem in others (“I am not well-liked”).

The thinking pattern that we map creates the thoughts, which shapes our Self- Esteem. The good news is that it is all in our hand, we have the power to manipulate our thoughts. As they are the real culprit behind our high/low Self- Esteem. Let’s be thoughtful about our thoughts by practising these simple techniques:

  1. Be Mindful

Don’t believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that thoughts. If you find yourself going on the path of self-criticism, gently note what is happening be curious and remind yourself, that these are thoughts and not facts

2. Change the story

The narrative or story that we have create for ourselves shapes our self-perceptions on which our self-image is based. If we want to change that story that is making us feel low, it is important to understand from where that story/thought came from or   received from. The message that we are constantly telling ourselves. For e.g. an automatic negative thought like “I am so restless” gets repeated in your mind so often that you start believing that it is true. So, you now have to change the story by unlearning this thought. It’s very easy.

Pen down this negative thought and covert it into a positive affirmations/ statement, “I am so restless” can be changed into “ I am calm and relaxed” Simply think and change it to what you wish to believe about yourself. Now repeat this affirmation to yourself every day.

3.   Avoid falling into the compare and despair Rabbit hole

Practise acceptance and stop comparing yourself to others. Comparisons only lead to negative self-talk which leads to anxiety and stress and a low self- confidence.

4. Channel your Inner Rock Star

We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Everybody is a genius. Remind yourself of the positives that you have. Find the rock star in you.

It is very important to understand that the thoughts we think the words we speak define our present and future. We all create our own experiences by our thinking.

So, it is important to understand this Game of Thoughts. Let’s Start mastering the rules of it.

Use ABCDE To Manage Your Time (Secret of Successful People)

“Time is the most valuable coin in your life. You and you alone will determine how that coin will be spent. Be careful that you do not let other people spend it for you.

Carl Sandburg

The most precious thing in life is TIME. It is even more valuable than money. Money can come back but the time gone will never return. But one good thing about time is that it is equal for all, it doesn’t discriminate. We all have equal number of hours in a day it’s up to us how we slice those hours. Every single day we all get a credit of 86,400seconds in a day’s account, still many of us we feel scarce of it. Often, we complain like,

  • I was short of time;
  • I had so many things to do that couldn’t manage to do this task;
  •  I don’t know where my time goes and still my to do list is endless
  • I am tired of doing so many things ……

and the list goes on……

The real culprit behind all these is the way we manage our time. Fortunately we all are blessed with same number of hours in a day. It is our choice and wisdom of utilising it in judicious manner. A good management of time enables us to work smarter not harder, so more work in less time even when the time is short, and pressure is at peak.

The dictionary meaning of TIME MANAGEMENT also defines it as the process of organising, planning and dividing time between specific activities.

The Point is How to manage Time?

Managing time is as easy as ABCDE. Believe it or not ABCDE technique will help you do your chores more effectively and that too with minimum stress. It is a very simple. Using it will help you feel more relaxed and happier. Most of us feel stressed when there is crunch of time and we have a long list of to-dos. The things appear to be chaotic. The ABCDE technique, helps you to reorganize the tasks in mind. It is so important to prioritize your work and then accordingly divide time. this technique will help to set the priorities .

It’s very easy. In simple 5 steps you can manage your time in a very effective and efficient manner. Let’s start:Firstly, make yourself sit comfortably for few minutes,

Take a pen and paper,

Now start writing down all the jobs that you think you have to do,

A –      Very important work with huge consequences

   B –      Important work with moderate consequences

  C –      Good to do, but with no consequences

  D –      Work that can be delegated to others

E– Work that can eliminated with no effect

Try not to write your daily routine tasks as it will make your list too long.

Now it is time to apply our ABCDE technique on our to-do list, the abbreviation means.Very important work with huge consequences

Important work with moderate consequences

Good to do, but with no consequences

Work that can be delegated to others

Work that can eliminated with no effect

  • Start dividing your tasks list in the ABCDE format. The most important work should be marked as A, the work that is little less important one as B, and the one that can be done later as C, the jobs that can be done with the help of others and don’t require your personal attention as D, and the one that can be left out as E
  • Once done, it will give a clear picture in your mind of the most important task that require immediate attention. Your mind will feel a sense of relaxation and you will be in a better position to handle the things. A calm mind will be more productive and efficient.

Apply ABCDE technique and see the wonders it will do in your life.

STEPS TO HAPPINESS

Happiness we all want to be happy, it is the purpose of our life but only one in three people say that they are happy. Though happiness is the primary motive in human behaviour unfortunately it is elusive for many of us. It lasts for few fleeting moments and evaporates like dew drops in the morning sun. But the good news is that staying happy and positive is very much in our control and with very little effort we can enjoy this state of mind. Being happy is synonymous to being yourself. Adopting five simple steps will surely make you positive and energetic . Let’s start the journey of happiness :

  1. Start Regular Exercise – A recent survey has shown that we are spending around 7-8 hours on our chair in a day. Do you know that it completely opposes your genetics, they scream for movement. Even a term “Sitting Disease” has been coined by Mayo clinic, the more sitting we do the more havoc to our body. Sitting is considered as new addiction and has reached epidemic proportions.

So, after every 45minutes of sitting we should walk and stretch for around 10-15minutes. Our brain works better and becomes more productive and creative. It also lowers  our stress level and rewards us for our effort by releasing feel good hormone Dopamine and Endorphins in blood. People who exercise regularly predominantly feel more wonderful and happier about life.

“Movement is good. Movement is life. Move more”

  • Learn New Things – Learning is like giving a workout to our brain. The brain thrives for learning new complex things. But ageing seems to rob us of our enchantment with learning and we do the same things day in and day out, and unfortunately, we don’t seem to get any better at doing them. We tend to stagnate.

Research has shown that Learning increases our brain size and develops better neural connectivity within the brain. You become better at planning, prioritising and decision making. Your memory become sharper and better mental flexibility. Make your brain do its work out, make it like a sponge that can absorb knowledge from everywhere, stay happy and healthy. Play sudoku, solve a puzzle, or may learn a new skill will make your brain young and happy.

  • Express Gratitude– I have seen that many people look for reasons to complain in their lives. They are almost never happy and keep on groaning about their fate. It’s a bad habit.

A very small little exercise before sleep can rewire your brain to become more positive. For this, create a gratitude journal and in which you must review your day and pen down 5 things you feel grateful for in the whole day. The challenge is that you can not repeat anything you have written on previous night. Research has shown that if done regularly for 40 nights, you will become calmer and optimist.

  • Sleep – Sleep is almost the first thing that is compromised when life begins to get tough. The fact is that sleep reenergises our body cells and clears the toxicity of brain. It plays a huge role in learning and improvement of memory. Deprivation of sleep largely effects our metabolism, can make you fat, depressed, sick also it can impair your judgement. Inadequate sleep can make you feel unhappy, irritated and dull.

On an average 8-9hrs. of sleep is important for all age groups. The dinner should be taken at least 2-3hrs. before bedtime. Reading a printed book , playing a board game or listening to Sanskrit mantras is also very healthy for good sleep. Even wearing comfortable clothes, also sends a strong signal to your system that you are ready to sleep. Maintain distance from gadgets before sleep.

  • Meditation– The importance of meditation has been emphasised in ancient literatures too. It is a beautiful resting position combined with awareness. In meditation, thoughts come and go, but you are detached from them. You become an observer of your thoughts. You allow mind to be as it pleases, without getting entangled with thoughts. Practising meditation regularly enhances life. It makes you feel good about yourself and you don’t need a reason to be happy. Your immune system improves, and concentration becomes better along with an added benefit i.e., sharp memory. Also, it makes you more empathetic, which improves your relationships. Start meditating for 5-10minutes every day and increase gradually.

Staying happy is that simple but we keep on wondering for things that can give contentment, that too for a very short span. It is an attitude and a habit, and that comes very easy and naturally to us. Making these five simple steps a part of life can miraculously bring positivity in your life. Be happy.

Introduce Yourself (Example Post)

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

  • Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
  • Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

  • Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
  • What topics do you think you’ll write about?
  • Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.